On December 14, 1976, a man named Charles Brooks was
condemned to the first trial of lethal injection. Brooks was arrested
after the murder of a mechanic who was assisting Brooks in his car
test drive. The mechanic was found bound by coat hangers, gagged with
adhesive tape, and shot in the head in a near by motel. Since Brooks'
execution on December 2, 1982, 35 of the 36 states that exercise the
death penalty have adopted this same method of execution (Offender
Information). Lethal injection is simply an administered injection
for the purposes of euthanasia. However, prosecutors that choose to
simply avoid the death penalty are able to sentence prisoners cost
efficiently, without compromising morality.
Even in states where the death penalty is
infrequently used, the cost of obtaining convicts and executions
ranges from two million to five million dollars per case. Yet, for
each of those convicted to a lifetime in prison without parole, less
than one million dollars is spent (Fagan). In these instances, the
money spent for the capital punishment must originate from the tax
payers. For example, New York tax payers spent nearly two hundred
million dollars between 1995 and 2004; in which this time held zero
executions (Fagan). Many states have begun to implement reforms to
eliminate the error of capital punishment; however, practices, such
as, lethal injection, may begin to subject its state's death penalty
as ineffective, as it is costly.
On January 13, 1979, Ginggaew Lorsoungnern was
sentenced to death by shooting. In this particular capital punishment
method, the condemned was bound to a wooden cross, facing away from a
screen with a target drawn, indicating where the heart was. On the
day of her death, ten bullets were consecutively fired into the
screen. When no vital signs were found, Lorsoungnern's body was moved
to the morgue, while they prepared for a second execution. However,
Lorsoungner began to utter sounds and attempt to sit up. Escorts made
efforts to help bleed her out more quickly, and even to strangle her,
but she laid there gasping for breath as the following execution took
place. It wasn't until after he was pronounced dead, that she was
rebound to the cross.
Works Cited
Fagan,
Jeffrey A. "Capital Punishment: Deterrent Effects & Capital
Costs." Columbia
Law School.
Columbia University, n.d. Web. 18 Feb. 2014.
"Offender
Information." Death
Row Information.
N.p., n.d. Web. 18 Feb. 2014.
I obviously still have much to include: I still plan on providing a second example of an execution that skewed from the original plan in my third paragraph, a counterargument from the point of view of the victim's family, and a summary of all my fun facts I have already written.
You make some really good points, Taylor. I especially like how you started off your essay by diving right in with a hook to catch the reader’s attention. You also give very good summaries of the scenarios of the executions by including only the major, important details while still encompassing the whole situation. You also are very effective in showing how lethal injection affected each of the prisoners which really evokes emotion in the reader. One thing that you might want to improve on would be the organization of the essay. In my opinion, I feel like it jumps around quite a bit from execution to facts to another execution example. If I was in your place, I would maybe start off with an introductory factual paragraph, group all the execution stories together, and then end off with a summary paragraph of everything you stated. Other than that, everything seems to be looking good.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, your opening sentences are perfect for catching the readers’ attention. Introducing an interesting case that relates to your topic really grabbed my attention and made me want to keep reading. I liked how you included so many facts and examples of execution cases. I do agree with Sheyda as well, I think that separating the factual and execution case example paragraphs would make it much clearer to the audience where your ideas lie. You said you would include the counterargument from the perspective of the victim’s family, which I think is a great idea and would be very effective towards your argument. All in all, I think your paper is starting off really well and you have a lot of great facts, examples, and ideas included so far. Good job!
ReplyDeleteThough I agree with Lauren that the general opening is good and well thought out, it may need to be a bit less choppy and flow better to allow for the reader to more quickly grasp and become intrigued by the argument. You do a fantastic job providing context behind your argument while still being able to fit in your personal standpoint on the issue. It was refreshing to hear so much clear fact to support what you had to say compared to a common emotional beating around the bush. I felt your last example was particularly strong because you were able to accurately describe the situation by including details of the victim "gasping for breath" meaning the injection had not been fully effective in its intent.
ReplyDeleteStarting with the case was a good idea, but I think you should probably introduce the topic just slightly more before you dive into the example. But other than that your paper seems very strong. You have very vivid statements and strong stakeholders that it’s already forming into a well-rounded paper. I like all the examples you stated, it really benefits your opinion on the topic.
ReplyDeletelike everyone else said your opening statements are very good and capture the readers attention, I think it is a good idea that you tell the reader about where the money comes from to preform these acts and all the detail is very strong. This can be a very strong paper the way your rough draft is looking so just keep working off this and you'll be fine.
ReplyDeleteI liked how you started your argument. By starting with the case, you hook readers in with the first sentence. You made some valid points all throughout the article and defended your argument well. Some advice for next time would to organize your writing more so it becomes more fluent and the most efficient argument possible. All in all, I think you did a very good job in presenting stakeholders and sharing your opinions on the topic.
ReplyDeleteTaylor, your essay has pretty good ideas so far. However, I think that you should include an introductory paragraph that describes the conflict at hand, along with the groups that fall on different sides of the conflict, rather than immediately jumping into the examples of lethal injections. This would provide readers a better understanding of what the essay is supposed to be about, so that it doesn't seem like just an informative essay about lethal injection, but rather an essay highlighting the conflict surrounding lethal injection. Another thing that you could do is dedicate a paragraph each to describe the different stakeholders for the issue. Then you could provide the examples for the sides either in the same paragraph that describes the stakeholders, or in new paragraphs. You seem to already have dedicated paragraphs for examples, so I would recommend placing the descriptive paragraphs before the examples. This would help organize the essay into a more logical structure. With a bit of adjustments, your essay has the potential to be pretty good.
ReplyDeleteThe essay so far seems relatively well written. The main issue here is that it seems like your are writing an essay informing the reader about lethal injection, rather than any controversy surrounding it. It reads like expository text. As stated by the other commenters, adding some sort of informative introductory paragraph would greatly enhance it, and grouping the two examples together would make much more sense. Though, admittedly, the third paragraph doesn't seem to relate to anything that you said in the second paragraph. Your syntax, sentence fluency and diction are all great, just work on making the essay read less like an informative piece on a subject, and it will have great potential!
ReplyDeleteIt looks like you have a good start, especially i liked how you started with a specific case. By starting like that i was immediately hooked into reading more. I do suggest creating more of a flow with your paragraphs because it seems like many different parts just thrown together instead of flowing together like one.
ReplyDeleteThese are all pretty good points. Your introduction paragraph is a little vague and maybe needs to be more of an intro than a body paragraph. Maybe include a summary of the argument at hand and describe the issues presented by both sides of the argument. I like the way the essay is organized and it seems easy enough to add and remove points. Your third paragraph however, may want to be introduced better. Although, the execution story is well detailed, there is no point you are trying to get across as it stands right now. It's sort of just being used as information for the sake of having information.
ReplyDeleteYour anecdote is awesome Taylor! You really implemented the idea of relating the subject to the personal life of the reader. Everyone who’s already commented seems to think the same apparently. I have some suggestions. First of all, I feel like you need to work on the structure of your essay. I think it’s important that you identity the points in the essay specifically to each stakeholder.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Mittal in that I feel like the main point of the assignment was not only to make an argument but sow how you made your argument and addressed all the opposing view point. I think you could basically just take all of your very valid points and just say how they came into your argument . Good Luck!
ReplyDeleteYour essay was very informative and you did a good job of including supporting details to back up all of the facts in your essay. The overall structure and organization of your essay was fluent and easy to read through. However, I would like to suggest that you make a change in your opening sentence. Starting off your essay by diving straight into the case sounded a little rough. I think it would be very beneficial if you were to start with a sentence that introduced the topic. It would also be a good idea to end your essay in a similar manner with a concluding sentence that briefly summarizes your argument. Otherwise, your essay brought up some good points and was strong from start to finish.
ReplyDeleteI find your topic to be very interesting. I also like the way you started out the paper. It tells the reader exactly what they are going to be reading about. Similar to what I told Natalie, you could analyze different types of capital punishment. This relates directly to your topic because there are other forms of capital punishment which are more cost effective, and in my opinion, also quicker and less painful. A firing squad is the one that comes right to mind. A bullet to the head is quick, painless and extremely cheap for the state. Consider other forms of capital punishment and see if that contributes anything to your paper.
ReplyDelete